There, I said it. It's terrifying to admit it.
For a long time I didn't want anyone to know. What if it sucks? What if people shrug and dismiss it? What if I'm not a good writer?
Feelings of self worth, fear of disappointing others, and a fear of not amounting to much are all rolled up in this hesitation.
I've started this book two...maybe three times before. Each time sputtered to a halt. Why will this time be any different?
"Don't tell anyone," a voice says to me. "Don't get people's hopes up. Just keep it private. If you fail, no one has to know. No one will be disappointed. No one will think differently of you."
Fear really is the mind-killer, the little death.
But...what if it's good? What if someone, somewhere benefits from reading about my time as a naive teen doing missions work in Africa? What if....?
"Someone will always tell you, 'no'; Don't do their job for them," I once advised a friend who was struggling with fear. Now I'm taking my own advice.
I've told a few people so far. Some of them I barely know. Everyone has been enthusiastic, even offering to read it in its rough stages to give me feedback.
So...I'm writing a book. Now you know. I can't wait to read it.